More Than a Number

“More than a number” he said to me as he cleaned my wound. My husband looked at me and smiled. “To me you are more than just a file or a case or a number” said the doctor. “I have a calling to help people with this gift I’ve been given. My patients are not just a number to me; they are people with feelings and I do my best to make everyone feel special and cared for.” He did just that. My pain level was manageable until about suppertime yesterday. Then, out of nowhere I was hit with a bus load of pain. I texted the doctor and he said he would come give me an injection again.

John went to pick up supper and we ate a delicious meal of BBQ ribs, stuffed shrimp, breaded shrimp and grilled fish. It was incredible!! The food here is just so amazing. The kids have been so impressed also, which I was a little worried about, but they claim everything tastes so much better here than back home.

After supper, the kids and John sat and watched a movie in the living while I rested and waited for the doctor. John put the kids to bed and came at sat with me and watched a show until Dr. Max arrived. He came in with a smile and said he would give me the injection in the opposite side since my right hip was quite sore already. He prepped the needle and washed my backside with alcohol. I rolled onto my stomach, and he proceeded with the injection. He asked me if I had a sore spot near my spine on the right side of my hip and I said yes. He said he had noticed an issue with my right hip and had given me a special injection in my hip during surgery to help the problem. He said I needed a second injection tonight and then I should be good.

As he worked, he chatted cheerfully with John. He was cracking jokes and soon had John chuckling along with him. He asked if the humour bothered me, and I replied “of course not. Humour is good.” He said “When I was training in Germany I realized how ‘dry’ the Germans are. They have no sense of humour!” We laughed. He said there’s no need to always be so serious. Laugh and have fun! I agree with that, but at that moment I didn’t really feel like laughing, as he took off the bandages and cleaned my wound. It was quite purple and angry-looking the day before, but yesterday it looked much better. He said I probably don’t feel like it, but there is progress happening. Dr. Max likes to give the best and strongest pain killers that are not narcotics. He explained that if these meds just don’t cut it, then he will prescribe them, but to try and see first if these will work. He shook John’s hand and came back to my bedside. He looked at me, and as if he sensed my emotions, said “You look like you need a hug. Can I hug you?” I gave him a weak smile and he gave me a hug and kissed my forehead and said “Tina, you are doing so well. You are such a good patient and there is progress. The road will be a bumpy one, but I’m here to help you to make it as smooth as possible. I’ve never had a patient get an infection in 20 years and you will not be the first case. I’ll make sure of that.” He went on to say that he has 2 major surgeries today which will both be about 4 hours long. He said he’d be really tired after, but since I need the hip injection he will come after the surgeries to take care of that. He has such a caring heart. I feel like a child being cared for by a loving father. Over the weekend he is leaving to see some patients in Guadalajara, but he’s sending a doctor from the hospital to change my bandages and give me the pain injections.

However, the last night was not a good one. I did not sleep well. My pain was quite high. What I do when I can’t sleep is put my headphones on and listen to worship music and it calms me. I know that God is still with me. I knew the recovery would be a hard one. I had mentally prepared myself for that. The support group I joined on Facebook has been very encouraging and they have been praying for me as well. All the prayers have made a huge difference!! Without my faith, I know I would be so lost!!

I dozed off around 5am and slept for a bit. The kids were up around 9am and tried to play quietly so they wouldn’t wake me. They have been really good through all of this. Their emotions have been really high though. R broke down in tears at the breakfast table and I just started sobbing uncontrollably. I have not cried until now. I’ve shoved my emotions down and seeing him upset over the simplest thing was too much for me. I find comfort in scripture and that’s what I turn to when my heart feels overwhelmed.

It has been very hard to see the family having fun while I lay here. The difference is my attitude towards it though. I can let it bother me or I can be happy for them. I have chosen to be happy for them. The kids have never had an experience like this and they love it here. Every day they go out and play on the beach and in the pool. My sweet hubby has been so incredible in taking care of them and watching over them. He makes amazing meals for us or orders in food. The food has been so good that I feel myself gaining weight by the day!! I’ve always had a huge struggle with my body image and being laid up, on 5 different meds, and eating all this good food does nothing to ease my mind. John has been assuring me that the mirror is lying; that I need to stop worrying about my body and focus on healing. I know that is true but when you’ve lost 60lbs, the most terrifying thought is gaining it all back  I’ve worked so hard to lose that weight so it’s hard to see myself expanding again. I know I have fluid retention and a lot of swelling in my rear but I just don’t like my reflection right now. My emotions seem to be all over the place today, as are my thoughts. But like I said before, scriptures are my comfort! The ones that stood out to me today Deutaronomy 31:6 which says “Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid of terrified because of them, for the Lord your God goes with you; he will never leave you or forsake you.” Wow, what a comfort, right? Also, Psalm 18:2 “The Lord is my rock, my fortress and my deliverer; my God is my rock, in whom I take refuge. He is my shield and the horn of my salvation, my stronghold.” And also Psalm 28:7 “The Lord is my strength and my shield; my heart trusts in him, and I am helped. My heart leaps for joy and I will give thanks to him in song.” I will rejoice in my pain. I will sing to him for he is still worthy of my praise  even though I’m suffering. My suffering will have a good outcome, I’m confident of that. The poking pain I’ve suffered from over the past few years is already gone. The bones are out that have caused me so much grief and it’s a huge relief. The last verse that my heart needed today says “The Lord gives strength to his people; the Lord blessed his people with peace.” That’s from Psalm 29:11 and it is so true! I have known so much peace through all of this and I know that comes from My Loving Father.

I hope my emotions will fade and I can be more cheerful as the day goes by. John said he really admired my positive attitude in all of this and it made me smile. I am trying my best, but it’s not me, but Christ in me, that makes the difference!

Please continue to pray for us all. I appreciate the thoughts and prayers!

Have a happy Friday 😃

 

blessings all.

 

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