Strength…

When you think of the word strength, what image comes to your mind? I always think of bridges….interesting right? I often ponder how strong they must be to endure the constant back and forth of traffic across the top surface, and not to mention the rushing of water against the pillars stabilizing the bridge in the river depths below.

How strong do you have to be to endure daily challenges and struggles? I feel so very weak and insignificant sometimes. We have been blessed with two boys that have some extra challenges and they need extra love and attention. Mister R has Autism and Irlen Syndrome and Mister J has ADHD, ODD, and Irlen Syndrome. They are such a joy to me, but challenge me on a daily basis, sometimes forcing me think that I am just too weak to meet their needs. My energy has been at an all-time low, despite trying the most popular supplements and vitamins on the market right now. I am really trying. Then, there’s that to-do list that keeps getting longer as I remember more things that I need to take care of before my surgery at the end of the month. Am I being way too hard on myself? Yes!! Yes I am! I feel like I need to have things in order as I know I will not be able to do my daily duties for a while. I am also trying to remind my kiddos regularly that it’s coming up fast and they will need to be extra big helpers. I also have to remind my dear daughter that she won’t be able to run and jump on my lap like she’s used to doing. She will have to be gentle.

So, how do you stay strong (and sane) when there’s this constant battle within and all around you? How do you find joy in the mundane daily tasks? How do you keep from getting to the point of exploding frustration? How do you still smile, when you feel like all you want to do is scream? GOD. God is the only answer to all those questions. God is the only one who keeps me from completely losing my mind. God is the one who has granted me peace within my heart even though my situation has not changed. God is the only one who can truly give me the comfort that I need. Sometimes it’s through the reading of His Word. Sometimes through the words of a friend.But nonetheless, God is the answer.

I know that God has a plan for me and it’s a good one. I just feel like my road has a lot more bumps and detours and potholes and construction than most others. I know He is shaping me and moulding me into the person He desires me to be through my battles. Sometimes I just get so tired of it all….sometimes I just lose my fight. Today I was encouraged by the verse that says “The Lord is my rock and my fortress and my deliverer; My God, my strength, in whom I will trust” (Psalm 18:2) If that doesn’t do something to your soul, then I don’t know. I have to remind myself that God isn’t asking me to be strong. He isn’t asking me to carry my burdens alone. He doesn’t want me to be so heavy-hearted. God IS my strength. He is the strong pillar that upholds the bridge, withstanding all the elements raging around. He will carry my burdens and lighten my Spirit. All I have to do is ask. It’s really that easy. Just ask! I am choosing to praise God in all the craziness and tight schedules and deadlines. I am choosing to have joy when deep down I am really afraid.

I mentioned in my last post that I am currently struggling with two health concerns. I am having an MRI done on Tuesday (for health issue #2) and will be able to see my doctor for the results before I leave for surgery (on health issue #1). I am so incredibly grateful for that! Praise God for answered prayers. I was really hoping to get the results so that I could know where I stand. I am hoping to get some answers.

I will leave it at that for today. I needed to get this all off of my chest and now I feel better! Like I said in my first post, I need to let my thoughts out and put them into words to help me process things. It really works!! But, it’s late and the house is quiet as my little ones are fast asleep……I should try to get some sleep too.

goodnight. blessings all

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